There is an absolutely wonderful blog post going viral right now about the gut response to people who come up to parents with babies and tell them to “enjoy every minute – it goes by so fast” (while clutching their heart).  Mamas, I’ll let you read it firsthand, but let me pass along some things I’ve learned in the New Mama classroom.

After months of preparing for their babies, thoughtfully picking out their layette , choosing the most beautiful name, and being exposed to the cultural onslaught of images of blissful motherhood, most women take their babies home and are slapped in the forehead by reality.

Caring for a baby is hard.  And…sometimes you might not like it.

That’s right, friends.  Many a mama has braved the icy waters of admission in our classroom, dared to jump in, and said:  There are times when I don’t want to be with my baby.  Sometimes I just want to go stay in a hotel for a night.  I love my baby, but I feel so guilty when I don’t love being with her all the time.  Sometimes I get so bored.  I don’t think I’m a good mom because I don’t feel blissful all the time.  After the baby goes to bed, I just feel so relieved.

For the first time Mamas out there, I want to say to you:  Welcome to the club, baby.  Motherhood is a messy soup of emotions, and ingredients range from bliss and love to boredom and frustration.  We talk about developmental milestones of infancy a lot at Amma, but I think Mamas have their own developmental milestones.  Just like we have to learn to roll, crawl and walk as babies, when we become mothers we have to learn how to let go of perfection, embrace chaos, stop trying to shoehorn ourselves and our babies into the preconceived images we had during pregnancy.  I always tell my Mamas:  your baby is here to teach you how to love, and one of the people you’re supposed to love is yourself.

One of our Amma Mamas, Carin, recently blogged about her shame and fear when she realized she felt disconnected from her new daughter after a traumatic birth:   ”She wanted to be held constantly and I just wanted to set her down.  She wanted to eat every two hours and I wanted my body to be mine.  I was tired, in pain and thought I had made a huge mistake.  This only made me feel worse and I really struggled those first few months with all my feelings at not feeling what I thought I should have felt for her.”

Some mothers do feel a significant disconnect from their babies, and that’s a red flag for postpartum depression.   Emotional disconnection from your baby, feeling like you can’t handle motherhood, sadness and hopelessness down to your very core, wondering if your baby would be better off with a different mom – when these feelings (among others) are big and persistent for more than two weeks, it’s not a normal developmental milestone of motherhood.  It’s time to reach out for help.  These feelings are not your fault, they are signs of a common postpartum illness (depression) which is temporary and highly treatable with the right help.

If you are harboring a secret discontent and your new life isn’t everything you dreamed it would be, you’re not alone.  You are in the growing pains of new motherhood – pains which will, like labor, bring about a new person.  A person who is gentle with herself, knows when to get help, and accepts herself for who she is.

In a small group setting, moms connect with other working moms and learn about infant temperament, sleep & naps, feeding, and returning to work as a new mom.  Each week a different area of infant development is discussed.  Women are encouraged to form friendships and connections with each other, and use the class as a way to meet other moms.

Things to know about Beyond Newborns at Night
-Bring your baby or leave her home for bedtime – your choice
-Class meets every other week, four times, in the evening
-Play ideas are given along with good resources for learning songs, finger plays and bounces
-We cover the four most popular topics from our daytime Beyond Newborns class, as well as respond to what the group wants to cover

Tuition: $110 for four 90-minute evening classes  Register

All of our classes take place at the Fairview Ridges Education Center.

Address

152 Cobblestone Lane
Burnsville, MN 55337

Parking

There is ample free parking in front of the Fairview Ridges Education Center.

Helpful Information

Phone Numbers

• Main Fairview Ridges Hospital Information line: (952) 892-2000
• Main Amma Parenting Center number: (952) 926-2229

Plan to use the University of Minnesota Amplatz Children’s Hospital, South Building Entrance and check in at the information desk.  Information Desk staff will direct you to the classroom listed in your Enrollment Confirmation email.  If you are unsure of your classroom, please call Amma at (952) 926-2229.

Address

2414 South 7th Street
Minneapolis, MN 55454

Parking options

• The underground Green Garage of the University of Minnesota Amplatz Children’s Hospital building
• Valet parking at the South Entrance from 5 am – 8 pm
• Street parking at meters
• The Blue lot behind the Park Plaza building

Classrooms

Helpful Information

Phone numbers:

• Main UMMC, West Bank information line: (612) 672-6000
• Main Amma Parenting Center number: (952) 926-2229

Come Prepared!

I suppose most of you are preparing for Thanksgiving tomorrow.  Some of you may have traveled, or have an influx of relatives in town.  You may be feeling a mixture of excitement about showing off your beautiful new baby and dread about how you’re going to pull this all off.  Let’s just talk about this, shall we?

In the New Mama classroom, I see a few holiday themes recur every year.  There are takeaways to each.

First, new parents, especially mothers, are sometimes taken aback at how public their new baby is.  You spent your pregnancy being the only one to feel her movements and kicks, and only you got to hold her.  Then she was born.  Into the public arena.  Where everyone could hold her.  In theory this was a good thing, but…many new moms feel a tad (or a lot) protective about their new babies, even from the baby’s own family.  Along with the love and support a family brings comes germs, quirky advice, an overstimulated baby, boundary issues, and sometimes the well-meaning relative who wants to show your 7 week-old his aptitude at tribal drumming right during nap time (true story).   Or possibly another relative who is convinced that the solution to your baby’s crying is The Vicks (VapoRub) (another true story).

Second, you’ve got a potentially swirling storm over who’s in what position in the family.  New grandmothers are understandably trying to figure out their new role – are they The Mom still, or are you?  Who’s at the helm of this ship?  Sometimes it’s hard for a new grandmother to share the limelight that is Motherhood.  Other grandmas don’t yet know how to help you, or where the boundaries are.  Sometimes, frankly, you haven’t found your own voice yet.

And lastly, there’s the issue of your baby’s own reaction to family gatherings. Some infants are perfectly comfortable being passed around, and others find this a total invasion of their rights.  Your baby may keep it together during the gathering, and then let it fly starting at 10 pm.  This can be particularly challenging if you are staying in a house full of relatives who aren’t used to staying up all night and don’t want to get used to it.

So what are the takeaways for holiday gatherings?  I’ve learned a few things over the years.  Here they are:

1. You are The Mom.  You’ll always be The Mom.  It starts right now, and you really do know best.  You just need to find your feet and your voice.  And you’ll learn how to deliver a message in the most gentle way – “We’ve learned that our baby needs a quiet, dark room to settle down.  I’ll be back in a little while.” “Our pediatrician told us to make sure everyone washes their hands before holding our baby.”
2. It’s ok to take a break.  Nursing, changing a diaper, giving a bottle – these are all fabulous opportunities to take a breather with your baby in a quiet room.
3. The best response to crazy advice is, “Thanks, I’ll think about that.”
4. Babies really do come out introverted or extroverted.  You’ll quickly get a glimpse of how they do in a big gathering.  You may need to support your baby by giving him breaks and quiet time if he reaches his threshold.
5. There is such a thing as gatekeeping – restricting access to a new baby.  Remember that one of the best things you can do for your children connect them to a strong, supportive family who loves them.  Maybe those tribal drums are a way of connecting and showing love.
6. All conflict is a result of an unmet need.  Stop – think about where this conflict is coming from.  What is it, and what strategies can you think of to meet it?  New parents, extended families, and even babies have needs that can range from the physical (sleep, blood sugar, needing personal space) to emotional (power, acceptance, validation).  Take the heat out of a conflict by drilling down to the unmet need.

Pressed for time? Our All-in-One class teaches you the basics of the birth process, infant feeding and basic baby care – all in a one-day class.

In a small class setting, parents are able to condense learning into one day, with time for questions and the hands-on learning they can’t get from reading a book. This class highlights the essentials of each topic, but is not as comprehensive as our traditional classes.

You’ll learn:

• The birth process
• Coping strategies for labor, including pain medication
• Cesarean birth
• Postpartum healing
• Starting out at breastfeeding, and how to recognize signs of success
• Introducing a bottle
• Newborn care procedures in the hospital
• Signs of illness, and when to call the doctor
• Giving a bath
• Hands-on care: diapering, swaddling and soothing, taking a temperature, and buckling the baby into the car seat

Our instructor will recommend good websites and books for more in-depth learning. Because of the nature of the class, hands-on breathing and relaxation will not be covered. Parents wanting to learn and practice breath work and relaxation techniques should consider the Labor Skills Workshop.

Buy both classes together and save $15! More about the package

This is one of our most in-demand classes. Keep in mind its popularity and small size, and consider registering early. Also, please note that a hospital tour is not part of prenatal classes at Amma. You can contact your hospital directly for information about tours.

Tuition: $190 for one 6-hour class. See dates and register

We ask that families read our policies before registering for classes. Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Circle of Moms is a safe, welcoming space for women to gather together and discuss the not-so-easy parts of motherhood. If becoming a mom has been harder than you thought it would be, or you’re struggling to find your sense of self, know that other women feel the same way. Many moms wonder how much to reveal when asked, “How are you?”. This is your place to finish the sentence after you say, “fine”.

You may be experiencing more sadness or worry than you anticipated. Perhaps you’re experiencing breastfeeding troubles, a colicky baby, relationship strains, dynamics with in-laws, financial stress or lack of your inner compass. Or maybe you’re just feeling the “bigness” of new motherhood.

Circle of Moms gives you a space to share stories, build your village of other supportive moms, discuss realistic expectations, learn when to seek help, and develop strategies for self care.

Pre-registration is encouraged, but walk-ins and last-minute-deciders are always welcome! Bring your baby or leave her at home – your choice.

Tuition: FREE
See dates and register

All parents want to take the best possible care of their babies. Learn the most current information on newborn care, practice on doll models and leave feeling confident as a parent. Topics include:

• Care procedures in the hospital
• Pediatric visits and immunizations
• What to expect for appearance and behavior
• Bathing
• Diapering
• Detecting illness and when to call the doctor
• Umbilical cord care
• Sleep safety
• Soothing a fussy infant and swaddling

Fee: $30 for one 2.5-hour class. Register

Get a discount on this class when you purchase the Ready for Baby Package!

We ask that families read our policies before registering for classes. Please don’t hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Amma Parenting Center does not accept insurance.

Check out our Prenatal Packages, which combine our most popular classes at a discount!

All-In-One

• Childbirth, infant feeding and basic baby care in one day. more

Baby Care Basics

• A comprehensive class on how to care for a newborn. more

Big Brothers and Sisters

• A sibling preparation class for children ages three to six. more

Breastfeeding

• Everything you need to know about nursing a baby and how to get off to a great start. more

Car Seat Installation Checks

• Ensure your car seat is installed correctly. more

Childbirth Refresher

• A review of the birth process and comfort measures for families welcoming another baby. more

Combination Breastfeeding and Baby Care

• Breastfeeding and Baby Care: Our two most popular classes in one session. more

CPR

• Learn how to provide CPR and relieve choking in this American Heart Association class. more

Hypnobirthing®

• A comprehensive approach to coping with unmedicated labor. more

Labor Skills Workshop

• A hands-on workshop of breathing and relaxation for labor. more

Preparing for Childbirth

• Our comprehensive childbirth preparation course. more

Private Childbirth Classes

• One-on-one prenatal instruction tailored to your situation and learning needs. more

Sleep Like a Baby

• Newborn sleep basics for new and expecting parents, and how to set up good sleep habits. more

Moms: have you ever be in the middle of a situation that seemed so ridiculous – so ludicrous – that you wonder if you’ve stepped into some alternate universe?

I remember when my son David was about two weeks old.  I was cradling him in my arms in the rocking chair, reading him a story called “On the Day You Were Born”.  Sunlight was coming through the window, and the house was quiet.  By all appearances it was a peaceful, lovely scene.

All of a sudden, I burst out in the most violet sobbing fit – shoulders shaking, heaving, tears streaking down my face – what my husband calls “popping snot bubbles”.  The fit came out of nowhere like a rogue wave, just as abrupt as it was intense.  Then, in a moment, it was gone, leaving me snotty and tear-streaked, flabbergasted.  What. Was. That?

That, my friends, is a little thing we call “Postpartum”.  It’s like falling down a worm hole into Crazytown.  That little wrinkle in the universe that makes it seem rational to consider peeing on the couch because you don’t want to move while holding a baby it took 2 hours to get to sleep, meanwhile your bladder is filling to overcapacity and you’d rather have slipcovers made than wake that baby.

Or finding yourself in the car, backing out of the driveway at midnight, with your husband in his boxer shorts holding the baby, chasing you, screaming “Don’t leave!” after a rip-roaring fight.

Or flying into a fit of sleep deprived rage at the sight of a pile of wadded-up diapers around the base of the Diaper Genie, and chucking them at your husband as hard as you can after he asked if you needed help.

Oh yes.  I know you have your own stories of finding yourself in Crazytown.  And there’s nothing more satisfying than hearing other people’s stories about their trip down the wormhole, just so you know you’re not the only one.

What are your stories?