Dear Mamas,

Let’s talk triage.

You know.  What gets your attention first, out of the six things demanding it.

Whether it’s the baby, the phone, the overdue bill, the trash truck you can hear rumbling down the street as you calculate whether you can get your trash gathered up and out to the curb in the next 3 houses….  Triage.

In nursing school, I learned all about this concept.  How to decide what’s most important, quickly and under pressure.  As a nurse-midwife, I put it into action a million times – whoever was pushing got my full attention, and the mom in early labor got pushed to the back of the line.

I had no idea how handy this concept would be until I had my babies.

As new parents, we’re in a constant state of triage. There isn’t a moment when all our tasks are complete – they’re just in various states of triage.  I’ll wash 4 out of those 10 bottles, until the baby poops up her back, and then I’ll clean her up until the oven timer goes off and I need to get that Trader Joe’s entree out.

Sound familiar?

Do you ever picture yourself on the set of the show “ER”?  Don’t you think you’d make a great nurse?

This week is National Midwifery Week.  A week to celebrate and promote the services rendered by midwives, created by the American College of Nurse-Midwives – my old organization.

Even though I haven’t attended a birth as a nurse-midwife in probably eight years, midwifery is very much alive at Amma.  According to the ACNM, midwives “affirm the power and strength of women,” and the midwifery model of care:

• Promotes a continuous and compassionate partnership
• Acknowledges a person’s life experiences and knowledge
• Includes individualized methods of care and healing guided by the best evidence available
• Involves therapeutic use of human presence and skillful communication

What a beautiful way to sum up what we strive to do in our classrooms here at Amma! Through evidence-based teaching, a compassionate approach, and connection with other human beings we “midwife” parents into their new lives.

When I think back to attending births, my favorite moments were spent a few feet away from a woman’s bedside, watching as she worked through labor in the presence of her partner or family.  Knowing that she didn’t need me to pick her up and carry her, but walk next to her on the path.  Knowing she could do it herself.  I had a keen sense that I didn’t want to be too much a part of her memory of her birth when she looked back over the years – I wanted her to remember how strong she was, rather than how I had helped her.

I feel many such moments in the classrooms at Amma.  It’s such a gift to see a new mom have an “ah ha” moment about how to take care of her baby, or see a new dad get that swaddle just right.  Amma just sings when it’s full of parents- meeting new friends, playing with their babies, learning from us and each other.  But honestly, we just provide the space in which you blossom into parents – the accomplishment is all yours.

We’re just lucky enough to be there when it happens.

Has your life been touched by a midwife?  Join Team Midwife and help promote midwifery to your friends and family.  We’d like to see 20% of all births attended by midwives by 2020.

And…. Happy Midwifery Week!

Dear Amma Mamas,

You just had a baby.  You’re spending your whole day completing Tasks: changing diapers, loading laundry, washing bottles, pumping, shushing, and trying to eat a few bites of cold food one-handed while standing up.  You complete some tasks, but most others are hanging chads: half done tasks who look at you all day from their smirky post, reminding you of their incompletion.

You are surrounded by Tasks.

Meanwhile, your culture sets you up to expect total domestic bliss, filled with moments like in the picture above.  But here’s the thing: Tasks create Conflict.  Inevitably, the longer the to-do list, the more potential for scorekeeping (“It’s your turn to wash the bottles” and “I’ve done eight loads of laundry this weekend”).  There’s no shorter route to resentment than keeping score. Are you fighting more now than ever?  You’re not alone.

One of the things we often talk about at Amma is the concept of the “intentional family”.  To me, this means taking a step back and remembering why you had this baby in the first place.

The family you had in your imagination when you were pregnant – the one you wanted to create with your partner when you decided to be together forever – that’s your hanging chad, not the laundry.

It’s tough to step back when you’re in the thick of the Baby Smackdown, but… try it.  Try to take a step back from all those tasks for a moment and remember what the family of your dreams looks like, and then try to think of small steps you can take towards that family, every day.

The biggest gift you can give your children is a home with two parents who stay together and love each other – and it’s hard to get there when you’re busy keeping track of whose turn it is to go out with their friends, or who gets up more in the middle of the night.

Happy families don’t materialize out of thin air, like they appear to in ads.  They take a lot of work – a lot of intentional communicating, loving, and supporting.  But it’s the forest through the trees, Mamas.  You can do it.  Remember, you didn’t just have a baby, you had a family.

And that’s something worth fighting for.

Sara